Day Thirty

I'm not ignoring you! PROMISE!!!! Ok so that cold...well it developed into a nasty poo head cold, so yoga I felt had to take a break so I could get better.

I am going to yoga tomorrow morning...the longer you're away I think the more the voices try and tell you not to go (the voices...I sound like I'm crazy but you know what I mean right?)..but I will go, boyfriend will tell me if I don't - and who can be doing with that on a weekend.
BG x
PS cat is better thanks

Day Twenty Six

I feel like I have crashed people....crashed! I have a cold, a sore throat, boyfriend is having a poos time and is really sad and have just taken my cat to the emergency vet...this is not such a happy house today. I haven't been able to practice yoga as it's closed and not sure if it's so good to do it when sick?

I am really looking forward to getting back in my routine this week hopefully. Nearly a third of the way through the project and I can tell yoga has made a difference...it's just (just she says!) a matter of fighting through those 'give up' voices!

I am going to concentrate on just eating well, sleeping enough and drinking lots of water until this yucky stressy time is over. I can see I've been doing far too much, and stressing about things way WAY too much...and because of this my body crashed on me...clever little things our bodies aren't they. If you don't stop then they just do it anyway? Something that plays on my mind often is the negative impacts stress has on my body both short and long term....when I look at yoga instructors they look so calm, well put together, strong but nimble and kind of all knowing....that looks like a good place to be - I bet it takes YEARS!? I wonder if they statistically live longer?

I hope, if you're in NZ, that you are enjoying a peaceful, safe and happy holiday weekend (and so are your fur friends)....see you on the mat!

BG x

Day Twenty Two

Morena,

I have managed to make it to yoga once this week...ONCE....come on Brave Girl - I have good reasons and now as we approach the Labour Day holiday Yoga Tapas closes for a few days so I won't be able to catch up, so to speak.

I think to balance things out I will try and do some at home tonight - I figure something is better than nothing. And about now I could really do with some mind space!

Why do we work so hard? Is all the stress and exhaustion really worth it? I worry about the long term effects my stressy mind has on the rest of my body - would it better for me long term to do something mindless, that is left at work when you leave?

If you've never looked into the Slow Movement then I would recommend you do - just google it....it makes a lot of sense.

My mood at the moment seems quite stable. I am trying to be less snappy and grumpy at home and remind myself that my work doesn't actually make the world go round so how important is it really???????

Another thing - I think I've noticed my arm muscles are getting bigger...or less droopy!? That's quite special isn't it! When I'm this age I'll be able to do this.....will you? Yoga tricks in my retirement village = no incontinence pants!

Yoga at home it is!

BG x

Day Ninteen Part Two

So I made it...yay - it was hard and good...although I regret the lack of water that has entered ny body today..my head hurts and I feel a bit ew!

It was nice to find that piece and quiet again in my mind - I hope you find some too
BG x

Day Ninteen

Hi..she says rather sheepishly. I'm feeling disappointed in myself, I only made it to yoga twice last week - my minimum was going to be three times per week. Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard or expecting too much but all of a sudden I feel like the weight of the world has landed on my shoulders.

I find myself looking longingly at cafe workers thinking - wow imagine if I had a job that didn't come home with me? I'm finding it hard to make it through this busy period without crashing all over the place - I feel totally fatigued and really grumpy. Breathe, breathe...this is not forever, I keep trying to remember.

I don't want to go to yoga tonight - I want to  go to sleep.

I will go, (thanks to your messages of support) and a boot up the bum from the boyfriend. I hope I don't spend my entire time there thinking about the work I have to do when I get home! I'm deciding right now that I will go and it will be great - the end!

Day Sixteen - the black hole

As much as I can feel this coming over me I don't feel like I can stop it.
I feel like sitting down and crying for an eternity.
Sometimes when I feel like this I find the best thing is to put myself to bed, a nice big sleep is a good place to start...but I'm at work...sigh.

I have so much work to do - how will I get it all done? Will I do a good job?What if I stuff up?The pressure to perform feels too much right now and I'd just like to hide.

I don't feel like anyone will understand me, even if they did I don't want to hear it. It won't stop the hurting that lasts for as long as it lasts.

I can hear my mother saying to me, in hopeful persuasion, "but you've been doing so well".

I feel angry, defensive, alone, tearful and hopeless. I don't want to do today anymore.

The only good thing about being here today is that we have tissues and now that they've all left I don't have to pretend to smile anymore.

BG :(

Day Fourteen

CRACK went my back as I stretched into my first sun salutation today. Heck I thought I've broken my back...but no, THANK GOD! My spine was just letting me know that it's still there I think?

I was going to call you yesterday and say...I don't wannnnnaaaaa go! But then I knew what you'd say:just go you big baby! So I stopped thinking about it and before you knew it I was there, on the mat.

I'm going to repeat a little of what I said last post: if you're busy and that's your excuse for getting out of exercise (that's normally mine!) then you should know that it actually gives you more time. I'm finding it amazingingly beneficial to stop for that hour every couple of days and check in with myself, to switch off the blurble brain and to focus on my breath. That probably sounds all hippy la la but it's true.

I'm getting more advernturous too - I did my first proper back bend or bridge I think most people call it. I wasn't sure that I could do it or not but my muscles didn't let me down and before I knew it the world was happily upside down.

Overall I'm feeling pretty good, still sore in random places, but definitely feeling the benefits. I noticed last night how much I like Yoga Tapas. It's much smaller than some of the schools I have attended before, and because of that it has a friendly vibe that puts you at ease (important when you're planning upside down missions).

Each time I go I can feel someone giving me a gold star - I made it again...wow that is something incredible in itself. Something simple for me that I can achieve each day. That really means something to me - the only way to get there though I think is to first of all be nice to yourself - allowing yourself the choice. You'll always choose the healthist, most bestest option for you, 'cause you're you and you're remarkably clever.

BG x