Day Twenty Two

Morena,

I have managed to make it to yoga once this week...ONCE....come on Brave Girl - I have good reasons and now as we approach the Labour Day holiday Yoga Tapas closes for a few days so I won't be able to catch up, so to speak.

I think to balance things out I will try and do some at home tonight - I figure something is better than nothing. And about now I could really do with some mind space!

Why do we work so hard? Is all the stress and exhaustion really worth it? I worry about the long term effects my stressy mind has on the rest of my body - would it better for me long term to do something mindless, that is left at work when you leave?

If you've never looked into the Slow Movement then I would recommend you do - just google it....it makes a lot of sense.

My mood at the moment seems quite stable. I am trying to be less snappy and grumpy at home and remind myself that my work doesn't actually make the world go round so how important is it really???????

Another thing - I think I've noticed my arm muscles are getting bigger...or less droopy!? That's quite special isn't it! When I'm this age I'll be able to do this.....will you? Yoga tricks in my retirement village = no incontinence pants!

Yoga at home it is!

BG x

Day Ninteen Part Two

So I made it...yay - it was hard and good...although I regret the lack of water that has entered ny body today..my head hurts and I feel a bit ew!

It was nice to find that piece and quiet again in my mind - I hope you find some too
BG x

Day Ninteen

Hi..she says rather sheepishly. I'm feeling disappointed in myself, I only made it to yoga twice last week - my minimum was going to be three times per week. Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard or expecting too much but all of a sudden I feel like the weight of the world has landed on my shoulders.

I find myself looking longingly at cafe workers thinking - wow imagine if I had a job that didn't come home with me? I'm finding it hard to make it through this busy period without crashing all over the place - I feel totally fatigued and really grumpy. Breathe, breathe...this is not forever, I keep trying to remember.

I don't want to go to yoga tonight - I want to  go to sleep.

I will go, (thanks to your messages of support) and a boot up the bum from the boyfriend. I hope I don't spend my entire time there thinking about the work I have to do when I get home! I'm deciding right now that I will go and it will be great - the end!

Day Sixteen - the black hole

As much as I can feel this coming over me I don't feel like I can stop it.
I feel like sitting down and crying for an eternity.
Sometimes when I feel like this I find the best thing is to put myself to bed, a nice big sleep is a good place to start...but I'm at work...sigh.

I have so much work to do - how will I get it all done? Will I do a good job?What if I stuff up?The pressure to perform feels too much right now and I'd just like to hide.

I don't feel like anyone will understand me, even if they did I don't want to hear it. It won't stop the hurting that lasts for as long as it lasts.

I can hear my mother saying to me, in hopeful persuasion, "but you've been doing so well".

I feel angry, defensive, alone, tearful and hopeless. I don't want to do today anymore.

The only good thing about being here today is that we have tissues and now that they've all left I don't have to pretend to smile anymore.

BG :(

Day Fourteen

CRACK went my back as I stretched into my first sun salutation today. Heck I thought I've broken my back...but no, THANK GOD! My spine was just letting me know that it's still there I think?

I was going to call you yesterday and say...I don't wannnnnaaaaa go! But then I knew what you'd say:just go you big baby! So I stopped thinking about it and before you knew it I was there, on the mat.

I'm going to repeat a little of what I said last post: if you're busy and that's your excuse for getting out of exercise (that's normally mine!) then you should know that it actually gives you more time. I'm finding it amazingingly beneficial to stop for that hour every couple of days and check in with myself, to switch off the blurble brain and to focus on my breath. That probably sounds all hippy la la but it's true.

I'm getting more advernturous too - I did my first proper back bend or bridge I think most people call it. I wasn't sure that I could do it or not but my muscles didn't let me down and before I knew it the world was happily upside down.

Overall I'm feeling pretty good, still sore in random places, but definitely feeling the benefits. I noticed last night how much I like Yoga Tapas. It's much smaller than some of the schools I have attended before, and because of that it has a friendly vibe that puts you at ease (important when you're planning upside down missions).

Each time I go I can feel someone giving me a gold star - I made it again...wow that is something incredible in itself. Something simple for me that I can achieve each day. That really means something to me - the only way to get there though I think is to first of all be nice to yourself - allowing yourself the choice. You'll always choose the healthist, most bestest option for you, 'cause you're you and you're remarkably clever.

BG x

Day Twelve

Gosh how will I figure out the Day number when I get passed October!

Yoga was again the star of the show this evening. Although might I take this time to remind you all to ALWAYS remember to wear appropriate clothing....my top kept slipping down and I found it hard to think about my breathing whilst I continually readjusted myself, avoiding being branded a 'flasher'!

I found it easier to GO tonight (progress!!!) - the less you think about the whole thing the more you find yourself there sunddenly on your mat, before you can say samasasakuraraaaazz (ok so I made that up...how do you spell yoga pose names anyway?).
One great thing that Sue said in one of her classes last week and I'll share it with you because I think it's perfect for people who suffer from any type of low mood stuff; heck it's just perfect full stop.She was referring to some yoga practictioner I think...and I'm sorry but I forget his name (see I was concentrating on my breathing after all!), he said that he never regretted a yoga practice but often regretted the times he hadn't got out his mat. Great huh?

This week will be very busy for me, which is why I'm blogging so late!I promise right here, on this computer screen, to get to my four practices, despite the busyness. Yoga, I am starting to think, has opened up more time (for me). I feel like I have a small pocket every second day which is mine...imagine that...a whole hour and a bit to yourself. A whole period of 'you time' where you don't beat yourself up, berate yourself for what a crappy person you are, or ruminate on your faults and short-comings.How lucky am I?!
I think it (yoga) has also helped (boys look away) with my girly cramps too...which are normally totally horrid. It will be interesting to see how this progresses..I will keep you in the loop (cringe)!
If you are reading this and NOT currently practicing yoga, can you do me a favour? Wake up tomorrow and do some nice stretches, no matter what they are I gurantee your body will feel good and your mind will thank you for it :)....too preachy? NAH....do it for me?!

BG x (thanks in advance for those stretches you do tomorrow!
P.S - also wanted to say a huge thank you to all the comments I am receiving - I love them!

Day Ten

Three times this week - and the good and very encouraging news is that I am not nearly as saw as I was last week!

Today I found it hard to get into my breathing - and it's really strange how one day you can be moe flexible than any other given day...what's with that?

I have had a relaxing weekend with lots of reading and a nice visit from friends, best of all the sun has been shining all day - wunderbar! I spent most of Sat arvo asleep after yoga..I came home, had something to eat and thought I'll just lie down and have a read of my book....and woke up 3 hours later. I think the yoga has been taking its toll!

I have been making more of an effort to be social and if I feel awkward I am trying not to take alllll the responsibility for that. The other person has equally responsibility to make conversation huh! And sometimes I think you just have nothing to say to certain people. I work with quite a few people who we just move and live in very different worlds. Do you find that or am I really a social lepor?
Similarly to my yoga practice, there will be sometimes (and there has already) when things just haven't worked as I've wanted them too, sometimes I guess it's not me, it's my body and what it's doing or needs to do and that is why sometimes it won't cooperate? Yoga Tapas are very good at reminding you to ease off if you are feeling uncomfortable....now if you could do that in real life how nice would that be!?

Recommended reading for you is Elizabeth Gilbert's book, "Eat, Pray,Love" - a wonderful read that will pick you up for sure! I'm awaiting the release of her second book....goody! Eat Pray Love is the tale of self discovery, a women whom I can identify with, and I'm sure you will too, who is brave and couragous and funny but most of all inspirational.

Right-o...will write tomorrow after my yogi,yogs thanks for your comments of support they are much appreciated!

BG x